Was I ever a NHB back then? I wonder!
Another tune comes to my head as the silence around me is deafening! Wow! that's an oxymoron....
deafening silence......I think about Simon and Garfunkel...."Hello darkness my old friend....." I'm so sure that NHBs perceive the songwriter's darkness as in real darkness....night....Well, to me, it's the same darkness that I'm talking about in my poem "INTOXICATION"! The darkness of our other self, the one we usually hide, the one that scares the living hell out of us and so we put it aside so carefully tucked in soft fleece blankets and beautiful silk scarves thinking that this way we can hide it's ugliness and its harshness! But do we???? There comes a critical point of realization where the NHB wannabe and the dark side clash....and what then? In the background Anna Nalick sings Breathe......and it hits me!
'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
I am not a car on a cable.....I could never be! And I could never stand looking at an hourglass, it makes me choke!It makes my stomach turn inside out! I don't need to press rewind and neither do you!!! What's done is done....LET IT GO!! Yeah Breathe and let go!!
The song changes......The Quest- Bryn Christopher. Ahhhh what a song! And I ask myself.....What would you die for you silly woman? Your country? Your family? Your children? Your man? Well, what's it going to be? What would a NHB die for? I really don't know..... Me? As a hard core, full on, fanatic super mom, my answer would be my children! Yeah, definitely my children.....no one else!
Next song.....The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony! This does bring bittersweet feelings to the surface....It was the song I chose to play at my wedding, walking in the wedding hall, hand in hand with my groom, wedding ring on my finger and the attitude of a princess! I sure was a NHB then.... but then again would a NHB choose a song like Bittersweet symphony, I don't think so....Maybe that's why my marriage didn't last! I chose the wrong fucking song! I have to add that my marital contract lasted for exactly 13 years! Not a day more, not a day less. The tombstone of my marriage says 24/10/1999 to 24/10/2012. Now, how weird is that? Talking about tombstones, maybe it's more appropriate that I have it played at my funeral...
'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah.....
I need to make a note of this, along with the ash scattering instructions I already gave a very close friend!Trying to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah.....
Last song on my playlist, Don't You Forget About Me by Simple Minds. I close my eyes and remember the Breakfast Club...my adolescence, young, innocent and sweet....(well, maybe not that innocent, but anyway).
Maybe that's the only time in my life that I actually existed as a NHB. I did what every teenager does. Never again did I or will I be a NHB, 'cause really, I find it boring! So....
As you walk on byWill you call my name?When you walk away
Or will you walk away?Will you walk on by?Come on, call my nameWill you call my name?
I say, la la laWhen you walk on byAnd you call my name
P.S. No offense to all NHB reading this! You can be as normal as you like....it's my conscious decision not to be, but you are free to join me if you decide that your life is boring!*NHB = Normal Human Being
Copyright © 2013 Emilia
The true test of the adept comes during the days of wrath and anguish.
ReplyDeleteThe days of wrath and anguish are long gone my friend!
ReplyDelete