As Above so Below : There where Worlds collide.......

"I have changed" I told her, "I am not who I used to be in my previous life. I burned that side of my existence and scattered the ashes in every place that held memories, and as the ashes were toxic, the memories were burned too!
I was a "Stepford  wife too you know! I know what it's like!"
My friend looked at me with tears in her eyes, blowing her smoke and flicking the ashes on the dock.
She comes to the dock every day at the same time, stays for half an hour, smokes three cigarettes one after the other, cries a little bit and then, she takes a deep breath and goes back to her reality!
My friend is a "Stepford wife", gave up her career to be a stay-at-home mom....a "good" wife who cleans, cooks, and entertains...someone who has put her own needs aside, to be exactly how somebody else wants her to be....
That part of my life has faded... I can hardly remember any details.... I just remember losing myself in a tornado.... Spinning like crazy, parts of me scattered everywhere and me nowhere to be found complete.... How did I do it? How did I allow myself to become that angry unhappy person because of somebody else's wants? I see my friend's anger and I fear. I am afraid she has lost herself somewhere between cooking meals, changing nappies and attending her husband's business parties!
"I have a potion" I told her! "It will give you a tail like mine for as long as you need it! I will show you what it's like to swim in every sea, in any depth. I 'll take you dancing on the waves, you'll tango with the dolphins and salsa with the sharks!"
"The sharks" she said ? " No way, I am afraid of sharks."
"Why? There's nothing to be afraid of!" I reassured her.  "If you comprehend  that you have to deal with each species differently, then you can have the perfect relationship with each and every one of them! Learn to adapt, change! That's the secret! When you change the way you look at things, things around you change!!"
She looked at me...and yelled: "but it's not my fault! "
I smiled.... "I know" I told her handing her the potion!! "I know....."

She downed it like a tequila shot and in no time she was in the water with me....
"Show me" she said, " show me how you swim in circles, how you jump from one circle to another."
"Just watch me " I shouted splashing water on her face with my tail.... "Keep your circles open and everybody will be happy! Dolphins, sharks, swordfish.... Everybody!!"


                                                                                                                             Copyright © 2013Emilia

As Above so Below : Achilles and a sense of immortality!

It was during a night swim that I came across the half-god Achilles*! He was strolling on the dock when I recognized him as I had known him from before. He was a charmer, a warrior and man with a great sense of humor...  He had his own way of seeing the funny side of life!! I fell in love with his charm and his laughter. I knew that deep down inside this almost immortal man, was hiding a sensitivity and a softness that were not easy to trace  unless one had the special magical powers of a white witch!
As I had recently been an apprentice of such a witch I thought I would take my chances....
He was looking for something when he came to me, but he had no idea exactly what...
As a mermaid, living in the element of water, I have the ability to transform, change, adapt...and I was ready to use that ability so that I could be whatever he needed me to be at that specific point in time!
I invited him in the water, the waves were so playful that night that he couldn't resist... He joined me with a soft tickling giggle that reminded me of a child discovering the sea for the first time.... As I could sense his nervousness, I embraced him and smiled...I didn't need to say anything, everything that had to be said, was there in our eyes! We kissed and at that moment I saw the sadness...
"Why are you sad Achilles? " I asked.
"I am not sad" he said, "I just need to do something for myself, I have been fighting for too long! Will you let me come with you?"
We made a deal... I would let him taste my water world and stay for as long as he needed... When he would have had enough, he would be ready to go back to wherever he came from, with no regrets! In return, he would give me some of his immortality so that I would remain young for the generations to come!
That same night we swam together into the deepest waters, fearless, happy and fulfilled! By the early morning hours we had reached the banks of the  river Styx! There, Achilles held me by the hands and dipped me in the water....and for a moment, between the earth, the water and the sky, right there, for just one brief moment, Achilles had managed to make me feel immortal!
We spent the next hours in each others arms singing along with Freddy Mercury......
"who wants to live forever......"
He still swims with me every night, when he is ready, I shall set him free!!

                                                                                                                          Copyright © 2013 Emilia

* In Greek mythology, Achilles (Greek: Ἀχιλλεύς, Akhilleus, pronounced [akʰillěws]) was a Greek hero of the Trojan War and the central character and greatest warrior of Homer's Iliad. Achilles was said to be a demigod; his mother was the nymph Thetis, and his father, Peleus, was the king of the Myrmidons.
Achilles’ most notable feat during the Trojan War was the slaying of the Trojan hero Hector outside the gates of Troy. Although the death of Achilles is not presented in the Iliad, other sources concur that he was killed near the end of the Trojan War by Paris, who shot him in the heel with an arrow. Later legends (beginning with a poem by Statius in the 1st century AD) state that Achilles was invulnerable in all of his body except for his heel. Because of his death from a small wound in the heel, the term Achilles' heel has come to mean a person's point of weakness  . 
  Wikipedia®

WAITING FOR GODOT or SEARCHING FOR NEMO????

Sitting at my usual spot, I reminisce times where the water was my home... I look at my legs, and I long for that shiny, scaly tail that could get me anywhere! Back in the years of Atlantis, I would swim to Thera and back, before moonset! Now all I can do is sit in nostalgia, and remember the mer-life.....

At this exact same spot, not long ago, I shared a bottle of Balvenie, was offered  sugared cocoa beans, and exchanged intimate secrets with an estranged soul! Then, when the single malt syrup was almost gone, I gave myself away in ecstasy, without waiting for something in return! What a journey! At the end, it felt akin to emptying your body in a jar, painfully void but fulfilling at the same time! 

As the month of April is half gone, I think about lunar cycles and planetary conjunctions! I think of new beginnings and I wonder if this is it! The mark of a new era.... My land being stripped naked by greedy bankers and politicians, and me, acknowledging  that this is all happening for the best! 

I'm waiting for Neptune to come and get me....he said that we shall swim from Southampton to the coast of Spain... Did I say swim?? Oh no, sail, I meant sail.... ( I left my tail in Atlantis!) . If we pass through Gibraltar, I ll get some stones to bring home! Blue and purple, shiny ones!! 
In the evening, I shall wear orange silk, I shall infuse the air with frangipani incense and  serve Aztec food ... But before moonset, I shall leave the silk on the deck, stand naked on the bow...and dive back into the blue to find my tail..... 

Don't look for me.... 

I shall not return....

Adieu!!! 


                                                                                Copyright © 2013 Emilia

Re-Cycling!

The word re-cycle keeps popping up in my head the last couple of days.... I actually found this "popping" quite annoying to be honest....as I do serious recycling at home! (paper, pmd, glass, clothes,  toys....). I even recycle food, for Heaven's sake.... so I thought what’s this message I keep receiving.....

It didn't take long for the light bulb to blink at the side of my head, and then I knew......I got it..... The message had nothing to do with recycling, ( a subject I will shortly come back to). The message was about RE-.........

re-
— prefix
1.	indicating return to a previous condition, restoration,withdrawal, etc:  rebuild ; renew ;  retrace ; reunite
2.	indicating repetition of an action: recopy ; remarry (ha! NOT)
usage Verbs beginning with re-  indicate repetition or restoration.

the first word that came to my mind was re-consider and of course all the synonyms that go along with it....re-think, re-view, re-examine, re-evaluate
and then I applied them to my life.....

Maybe it's time to re-consider decisions that I have made, re-view my thoughts, re-examine the situation carefully, re-evaluate my actions,
re-assess my current position and re-think...... Where do I want to be right now?
Maybe it's time to re-vise previous plans, re-arrange scattered pieces of junk thoughts,re-cycle toxic feelings, re-produce a healthier approach, re-plan my next moves, re-build whatever has been broken and of course re-cover from all previous injuries....
I'll stand on the last one ..... "The length of recovery is determined by the extend of the injuries, and it’s not always successful, no matter how hard we work at it. Some of us might never fully heal... we might have to adjust to a whole new way of living " said my favorite tv hero......and to that I say YES!!!!!!!! Adjust, forgive and once and for all.... Live!!!!!!

                                                                                                                        Copyright © 2013 Emilia

Πρωινές εξομολογήσεις του καφέ!

8/4/2013

Μετά δυσκολίας σηκώθηκα σήμερα από το κρεββάτι μου! Σκουριασμένη, βαριά και με καθόλου μα καθόλου ενθουσιασμό για την καινούρια βδομάδα... Αναρωτιέμαι αν τελικά με βολεύει αυτός ο πόνος στην μέση που δεν λέει να υποχωρήσει! Με κάνει ακόμα πιο δυσκίνητη και νωχελική!
Μετά από ένα δραματικό Σαββατοκύριακο όπου
1) κατανάλωσα μεγάλη ποσότητα αλκοόλ
2) έφαγα junkfood
3) θύμωσα
4) άφησα κάποιον να φύγει
5) νευρίασα
6) έκλαψα
7) γέλασα
και 8) συνειδητοποίησα ότι όλα παίζουν,
αποφάσισα ,
1) να πιώ παυσίπονα
2) να κάνω αποτοξίνωση
3) να είμαι πιό προσεκτική στις επιλογές μου
4) να αλλάξω χρώμα στα μαλλιά
5) να ξεκινήσω κολύμπι
6) να οργανώσω ένα πικνικ
7) να πάρω ποδήλατο
και 8) να μην ξανακλάψω ποτέ για κανένα!!!
Καλημέρα σας!!!!

                                                                                  Copyright © 2013 Emilia

Music!!

Today I' m drowning.... Not in water, not in tears not in anything that would make sense to any normal human being.... There! I said it! "Normal human being". Have I ever come any close to being a NHB* ?? Today I am hard to handle !! I am singing it too ! The Black Crows! I saw them live in London sometime in my previous life..... in 1999! It's funny how  the more things change, the more they stay the same......
Was I ever a NHB back then? I wonder!
Another tune comes to my head as the silence around me is deafening! Wow! that's an oxymoron....
deafening silence......I think about Simon and Garfunkel...."Hello darkness my old friend....." I'm so sure that NHBs perceive the songwriter's darkness as in real darkness....night....Well, to me, it's the same darkness that I'm talking about in my poem "INTOXICATION"! The darkness of our other self, the one we usually hide, the one that scares the living hell out of us and so we put it aside so carefully tucked in soft fleece blankets and beautiful silk scarves thinking that this way we can hide it's ugliness and its harshness! But do we???? There comes a critical point of realization where the NHB wannabe and the dark side clash....and what then?  In the background Anna Nalick sings Breathe......and it hits me!
 'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
I am not a car on a cable.....I could never be! And I could never stand looking at an hourglass, it makes me choke!It makes my stomach turn inside out! I don't need to press rewind and neither do you!!! What's done is done....LET IT GO!! Yeah Breathe and let go!!

The song changes......The Quest- Bryn Christopher. Ahhhh what a song! And I ask myself.....What would you die for you silly woman? Your country? Your family? Your children? Your man? Well, what's it going to be? What would a NHB die for? I really don't know..... Me? As a hard core, full on, fanatic super mom, my answer would be my children! Yeah, definitely my children.....no one else!

Next song.....The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony! This does bring bittersweet feelings to the surface....It was the song I chose to play at my wedding, walking in the wedding hall, hand in hand with my groom, wedding ring on my finger and the attitude of a princess! I sure was a NHB then.... but then again would a NHB choose a song like Bittersweet symphony, I don't think so....Maybe that's why my marriage didn't last! I chose the wrong fucking song! I have to add that my marital contract lasted for exactly 13 years! Not a day more, not a day less. The tombstone of my marriage says 24/10/1999 to 24/10/2012. Now, how weird is that? Talking about tombstones, maybe it's more appropriate that I have it played at my funeral...

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah.....

I need to make a note of this, along with the ash scattering instructions I already gave a very close friend!

Last song on my playlist, Don't You Forget About Me by Simple Minds. I close my eyes and remember the Breakfast Club...my adolescence, young, innocent and sweet....(well, maybe not that innocent, but anyway).
Maybe that's the only time in my life that I actually existed as a NHB. I did what every teenager does.  Never again did I or will I be a NHB, 'cause really, I find it boring! So....

As you walk on byWill you call my name?When you walk away
Or will you walk away?Will you walk on by?Come on, call my nameWill you call my name?
I say, la la laWhen you walk on byAnd you call my name


P.S. No offense to all NHB reading this! You can be as normal as you like....it's my conscious decision not to be, but you are free to join me if you decide that your life is boring!

*NHB = Normal Human Being

                                                                                                                        Copyright © 2013 Emilia